Wine Reviews

The staff at Petaluma’s Internationale Instituto de Vino Wino has developed a report critical of wine critics.  They dare to take them on!

Quite simply, the Instituto claims that wine critics are merely former music or art critics.  Well, the prose style suggests that there’s some truth in this observation.— you only need to change a few words of a Metropolitan Opera Orchestra review to create a wine review.

Examples… 

Music—Compared with the lush, full-throttle sound the orchestra produced at the climactic moments of “Das Lied von der Erde,” the Mozart had an almost Baroque trimness.

Wine—Compared with the lush, full-throttle nose the wine produced at the climactic moments, the Barfman Zinfandel 1999 had an almost Baroque trimness. (Hmmm! Almost sounds like a line from an Erica Jong novel. Fear of Flying Cabernet?)

Music—Ms. von Otter sang ravishingly and with the sensitivity and flexibility necessary to touch the heart of this work’s nostalgic, fatalistic texts

Wine—Barfman Cabernet sang ravishingly and with the sensitivity and flexibility necessary to touch the heart of this wine’s nostalgic, fatalistic flavors.  (The perfect wine for Socrates?)

Music—and the beauty the musicians coaxed from this had as much power, though differently focused, as the fortissimo passages

Wine—and the beauty the vintner coaxed from this had as much power, though differently focused, as the Barfman Chardonnay

Finally there is wine as a health food—“But Dr. Broustet… advocated a regimen of a daily consumption of a half bottle of red wine with food.”

Robert Mondavi claimed to drink two liters a day and another liter mixed with water when he was in the field.  He lived to a ripe old age of 94.

En vino veritas!

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