Many “visitors” and new “members” repeatedly inquire about the Instituto’s background and benefits of membership. This newsletter will address these FAQ’s
Q–Do you have a logo?
Q–Does the Instituto have the coveted tax-exempt status?
A–Vinnie & Guido (our esteemed former Enron accountants) want to know what are “taxes?” “Tribute” or “Bribe” they understand.
Q–Is there an annual membership fee?
A–Only if you drink box wine from with a straw, in which case the annual fee is $1,000,000 Brazilian.
Q–Do you conduct tours?
A–Not at OUR facilities for God’s sake! To do so would be to alert the authorities as to our location.
Q–Do you have a unique wine appellation?
A–But of course! While our vineyard is small (we have only one vine) we were able to secure a very distinct appellation. It was quite an involved process. The examiners noted that our single vine had a mound of dirt on each side. That made it a valley. They then examined the “characteristics” of the valley and considered several names….
- Fog and Foggy were rejected because, too many vineyards and wineries already claim these attributes.
- Stray Cats, Feline Valley or Litter Box Vineyards did not seem to present the proper cachet.
- They finally noted that there was one characteristic that had not been used by other wineries–Snails! So they settled on Slug Valley. They also approved our label: “Slime Wine! Legginess you won’t believe!”
Q–What is “gout de terroir” and does the Instituto have any?
A–To answer the last part of the question first, we have a great deal of “gout” at the Instituto.
As to the meaning of gout de terroir, many mistakenly believe it is French for “taste of the earth.” However, our research reveals this to be in error. We are amazed that this has not been revealed before. After all, who wants to drink wine that tastes like dirt?
We discovered that “gout de terroir” is in fact gout da terrier, an ancient Miwok Indian phrase meaning “Small dog with gout.” At the Insituto we employ several gouty dogs to add a special flavor to 0ur wines!!
It has worked out very well for us. Petaluma is famous for its Ugly Dog Contest and Ugly Dog Stout.
We have Gouty Dog Wine!!
That’s all for now. Next week’s newsletter will bring you even more useful information.
Happy wine tasting and remember to stop by our undisclosed location!
Petaluma’s Internationale Instituto De Vino Wine-Located in the Casa Madrone de Vin Ordinaire
Where all our Champagne is only a bubble off!
Where we take the snob out of wine and bring back the slob!