Petaluma is in “wine country” and as such presents many opportunities to enjoy some of California’s liquid fruit of the vine. There is a very interesting wine institute (fictional, of course) in Petaluma that enhances the wine experience. Consider this recent newsletter…
Members frequently ask how does one determine if a newly opened bottle of wine has gone bad?
Here are a few tips from our staff…
- The fumes cause the California authorities to issue an emergency “Spare the Air” day alert.
- The cat runs TOWARDS you seeking protection.
- The bottom of the bottle falls out when you pick it up.
- Your guests insist upon an independent taster before sipping.
- Twenty men in white protective suits from the state environmental toxic spill authority appear at your front door.
- The police raid your house searching for a Meth Lab.
- You open the refrigerator and find that the contents of the wine bottle have eaten through the bottle, fridge and floor taking out four apartments below you.
- Representatives from the Chinese Army offer you $6 Million for the bottle.
- Erroneous seismic readings of 7 or higher are reported everytime you pick up the bottle–and you did not feel a thing.
- Your cat starts to bark when you open the bottle.
- You hear the theme from Ghostbusters when you open the bottle.
- The independent taster dies.
- Twenty men in white protective suits with radiation badges and Geiger counters from the Atomic Energy Commission appear at your front door.
Officers & Staff of The Internationale Instituto De Vino Wino
La Centre de l’Experience du Vin de Petaluma
Chief Wino & Solo Vine Manager (We have only one vine)–Frank
First Secretary-Vinnie Parducci
Second Secretary- Guido Marcucci
Third Secretary-Gustav Von Da Vee
Treasurer-Minnie Da Moocher
Counsel–Horace Rumpole of Chateau Fleet Street Claret
Vat & Barrel Managers-Jay Gaulo
Restaurant Manager-Al Fresco
Food Director–Sushi Tira-Misu
Director, Financial Planning-Two Fingers (as in “a-one-a,” “a-two-a”) Sabastiani
Director of Protocol & Arbiter of Taste–Marthe Stuarda
Tour Director-Expresso Camino Freeway
Movie & Video Critic-Francois Fjord
Bouncer–Sumo Cum Laude “Big Fish” Sashimi
Chats du Vin Extraordinaire—Hannah Sue & Gracie Mae (The Claret Kitties)
Tristan E. Isolde-Director of Cheap & Trashy Personal Counseling
Enchy Latta—Director of Catering
Jerry Attrick–Senior Citizen Wine Consultant