Petaluma’s Internationale Instituto De Vino Wino

Petaluma is in “wine country” and as such presents many opportunities to enjoy some of California’s liquid fruit of the vine.  There is a very interesting wine institute (fictional, of course) in Petaluma that enhances the wine experience.  Consider this recent newsletter…


Members frequently ask how does one determine if a newly opened bottle of wine has gone bad?

Here are a few tips from our staff…

Subtle Hints

  1. The fumes cause the California authorities to issue an emergency “Spare the Air” day alert.
  2. The cat runs TOWARDS you seeking protection.
  3. The bottom of the bottle falls out when you pick it up.
  4. Your guests insist upon an independent taster before sipping.
  5. Twenty men in white protective suits from the state environmental toxic spill authority appear at your front door.

Strong Hints

  1. The police raid your house searching for a Meth Lab.
  2. You open the refrigerator and find that the contents of the wine bottle have eaten through the bottle, fridge and floor taking out four apartments below you.
  3. Representatives from the Chinese Army offer you $6 Million for the bottle.
  4. Erroneous seismic readings of 7 or higher are reported everytime you pick up the bottle–and you did not feel a thing.
  5. Your cat starts to bark when you open the bottle.

Irrefutable Evidence

  1. You hear the theme from Ghostbusters when you open the bottle.
  2. The independent taster dies.
  3. Twenty men in white protective suits with radiation badges and Geiger counters from the Atomic Energy Commission appear at your front door.

Officers & Staff  of The Internationale Instituto De Vino Wino

 La Centre de l’Experience du Vin de Petaluma

Chief Wino &  Solo Vine Manager (We have only one vine)–Frank
First Secretary-Vinnie Parducci
Second Secretary- Guido Marcucci
Third Secretary-Gustav Von Da Vee
Treasurer-Minnie Da Moocher
Counsel–Horace Rumpole of Chateau Fleet Street Claret
Vat & Barrel Managers-Jay Gaulo
Restaurant Manager-Al Fresco
Food Director–Sushi Tira-Misu
Director, Financial Planning-Two Fingers (as in “a-one-a,” “a-two-a”) Sabastiani
Director of Protocol & Arbiter of Taste–Marthe Stuarda
Tour Director-Expresso Camino Freeway
Movie & Video Critic-Francois Fjord
Bouncer–Sumo Cum Laude “Big Fish” Sashimi
Chats du Vin Extraordinaire—Hannah Sue & Gracie Mae (The Claret Kitties)
Tristan E. Isolde-Director of Cheap & Trashy Personal Counseling
Enchy Latta—Director of Catering
Jerry Attrick–Senior Citizen Wine Consultant


3 thoughts on “Petaluma’s Internationale Instituto De Vino Wino

  1. Even though the Italian hubby has sworn me to stop handing out his limited edition vino, you earned one for that post Frank – it’ll be coming your way when next we meet!

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